Psycho Sister-In-Law Takes Over
or How the Grinch Controlled Christmas

Gee, it’s been a while since I’ve had a psycho sister-in-law post, hasn’t it? Oh, not that there haven’t been issues. But sometimes there are Just. No. Words. Couldn’t resist this one, though. The following are actual excerpts form e-mails between psycho sister-in-law (PSIL), mother-in-law (MIL) and myself. I should probably explain that PSIL and I have BOTH been highly irritated with MIL in the past as, when we’re all getting together, she often says, “You girls figure out what we’re going to have to eat!” Um, it’s YOUR house honey. It’s YOUR family. You figure it out. Or at least discuss it with us. But, especially after this round, I’ve realized that she doesn’t bother because she knows PSIL will just change it anyway. Here we all are planning food for our Christmas weekend:


PSIL: Oh yeah... do we need to kinda start planning Christmas dinner yet? Let me know.

Me: I guess we could start. How do we want to do it – one big dinner then snacking stuff? Only snacking stuff? Just eat candy and cookies all weekend? We’re okay with whatever everyone else wants to do. And, Hazel, no fair saying “you girls figure it out!” It’s your house so you need to give input, too!
[Note the last sentence. At this point, I’m not going to let her get away with just leaving it all to her two daughters-in-law!]

MIL: About what to fix for Christmas gathering; I am open to suggestions. I thought perhaps we just have sandwiches, dips/chips, salads and desserts. Shall we have soups too and if so what kinds?
[Sandwiches are SO not my favorite, but at least she’s getting involved – making suggestions. That’s good.]

PSIL: About Christmas dinner, I think a Ham, potatoes, corn and rolls would be ok. That is just my opinion (ok, Bryan thinks we should have a nice sit down meal because you always used to) and as far as desserts, I am bringing my usual. Frosted Sugar Cookies, White Chocolate Pretzels, Choc. Chip cookies and what ever else I think of. We can make different dips and such to snack on the rest of the weekend.
[And so it begins. MIL makes a suggestion, PSIL overturns her.]

Me: Okay you two. Hazel says sandwiches, etc. and Rhonda says dinner. None of us cares which. I guess we’ll let you two fight it out and you can let us know what to bring!
[Diana decides to let them hash it out.]

PSIL: Actually it wasn't me. It was Bryan that said, and I quote, "We need to have one nice dinner, then the rest of the weekend, you (being me) can cook some steaks and everyone just bring snack things" You know me, I don't really care what we have as long as it is food, fattening and lots of it.
[Oh, well if you’re going to “quote” him, that’s different! And, for someone who doesn’t care what we have, you’re making lots of suggestions. By all means, let’s all do what Bryan - you know, the one not doing any of the food preparation – wants. But I’m still playing get-along.]

Me: We’re easy to please with the food thing. I’m like Rhonda – as long as there’s food, I’m happy! So, Rhonda, are you going to bring the ham, then? How about if I bring chili for Saturday night, tortilla roll-ups and some kind of dip/chips? Anything else??
[Note how, in the last message, PSIL suggests ham, but doesn’t offer to bring it. Note how, in this message, I make the oh-so-subtle suggestion that, if she and Bryan think we have to have ham, maybe they should bring ham.]

MIL: Christmas dinner/sit-down one is fine with me. Food: Ham, mashed potatoes or that potato casserole? green bean casserole? I will make the jello salad, have rolls, desserts? I will make the chocolate sheet cake what pies would you all like?
[Again, ham is fine, but no one’s bringing it. MIL suggests other foods to have with dinner, but doesn’t offer to make them. I’m starting to wonder if I need to bring the entire dinner as everyone else is suggesting things for the main meal, but not offering to bring them! And I should point out that I’ve copied their messages verbatim, not fixing spelling or punctuation.]

PSIL: I think on Saturday, we will do the ham, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn and rolls. Then open gifts. Saturday evening, we can just eat what ever is there. On Sunday, I am going to roast a beef tenderloin around noonish.
[So, my suggestion of chili for Saturday night is obviously out. And still, PSIL has not offered to bring the ham, potatoes, green bean casserole or corn that she says we will have for dinner. Nor has MIL. Again, does this mean *I’m* supposed to bring all this?]

Me: I guess chili is out. Also, I was going to bring chips/dip but Rhonda you said you would. Should I bring another kind or just something different all together? How about when we’re doing the main dinner? Last I heard Rocque wouldn’t be there till Sunday. Did that change? I’m so confused. Someone please just tell me what to bring for sure!
[At this point, I'm getting thoroughly sick of the whole thing. I did have to point out that, although we had previously planned to wait for dinner and gifts till Sunday, PSIL had to change that as well.]

PSIL: As for dinner. I think we are going to skip the ham as Bryan wants me to roast a beef tenderloin. We will bring that. If you want baked taters, cheezy taters, corn, what ever else, I don't care. I am open to anything. I bought some sweet and savory buttered King's Hawaiian Rolls also. I am just bringing a ranch original dip with plain chips for Friday and Sat. It wouldn't be Christmas without your dip Di. Now all we need to figure out is what we are doing on Saturday for food. Chili? Cheese and Crackers? Little Smokies?
[I am so freakin’ confused! Now ham is out. Side dishes are in but still no offer to bring them. So do I go back to my plan of making chili? PSIL is bringing rolls even though MIL offered to get them. What’s funny is that she’s asking what to do Saturday when we theoretically had that figured out long ago – chili Saturday, big dinner Sunday. Why didn’t we just stop then?]

Next year, my guys and I are going to Colorado the whole week of Christmas. We will not see either family. We will not exchange gifts with them. We certainly will not plan dinners with them. We will call and say “Merry Christmas” and be done with it!