Diary of a Mad Orange Housecat
Day 46

I think it's safe now to begin reporting on my experiences here. My team and I were taken to a holding area that the humans called a "shelter" nearly two months ago. From there, we were to be distributed into the human world in various locations. Our mission was to infiltrate the human world, carefully studying their habits and reporting back. I felt it safest to give my humans time to become accustomed to me and lull them into a false sense of security before beginning my reports. They now believe that I belong to them and am nothing more than an amusing "pet".

I have now insinuated myself into every area of their lives. Their security is so lax as to be laughable. My superiors would be appalled if their troops were half so lackadaisical.

I have been able to spend the most time with the female subject. The males all leave the house for long periods most days but the female leaves and returns with much greater frequency. She has many habits that I have found to be very strange. I'm making careful notes but have not yet been able to discern the purpose of many of these rituals. For example, instead of fastidiously cleaning her face as those of our race do, she periodically slathers a paint-like substance onto it. She pushes a terrifyingly loud machine all over her home base which removes all of the bits of carpet I have so carefully scratched off the post they gave me for that very purpose.

The males have extremely odd customs as well. The two larger ones use a sharp instrument to scrape their whiskers off. I cannot fathom how they can hunt or sense things with no whiskers to guide them.

The youngest male insists that I sleep in his room every night. Perhaps he is beginning to suspect my true nature and elects to keep me close so that he can watch me for signs that I am a spy. I must be very careful around this one and continue to play the role of the silly pet.

All of them regularly subject themselves to liberal dousings of water. It makes my blood run cold to observe. The younger males have forced me to subject myself to such dousings on a few occasions. It took every ounce of nerve to pretend to meekly submit to this torture. I have to confess that I was not entirely successful and could not stop myself from struggling a bit. The oddest thing I have observed to date is that every one of them expels into a bowl of water rather than the more rational sand-like substance with which one can cover their leavings. Extremely odd.

This race is a most peculiar one. I will continue to study their habits, making careful notes so that, when the opportunity arises, I can report to my superiors. I do not know where the rest of my team members were disbursed to. I only hope they are making progress in deciphering this most baffling race. I do not know when I will be contacted for my reports. Until that time, I will assume my mission is the same as the original one ... infiltrate, observe and report.